Change and I

Of recently, I have been wondering how I have been doing in the face of change. I've always thought that I am a person who gets bored with the status quo. I once told someone that if I did not move I’d become a vegetable. Quite harsh.  But such was my determination to make a change at that point in time. Time and again I've found that thought reminisce.  Sometimes, I know what needs to be done.  Most of the times I'm clueless – searching for outlets and answers.

On the surface of it, it’s all good – the me adapting to change thing. But then, I wonder am I really good at change?

Sure, I pull out all stops to make the changes that I want. When they work – its bliss, when they bomb – well there’s heartache but again there is some condolence in the fact that I tried, and then I try again. The cycle is something that many would identify with. For me, to begin with -the little seed of an idea that gets implanted in my head at some point of time. A phase when that idea grows slowly but surely until it becomes loud and clear and impossible to ignore. Then there is the phase to act upon. Quoting one of my favourite authors ‘when thought becomes excessively painful, action is the finest remedy’. This for me entails planning and analysing. Weighing the pros and cons. Factoring in everything I could think about. Applying to multiple scenarios I could possibly conjure. And then there is the final decision – which sometimes defies sane analysis and hedges on that four lettered word – hope. Such self-invoked change journeys for me have so far and mostly proven to be ‘right’ and worth the pain and upheaval. But then again, I question myself – have there been far too little or have they been big enough to make any significant change? Am I guilty of designing these changes and further controlling them to be close enough to my comfort zone? To be brutally honest- well maybe yes.

Then there is the whole other category of change. Stuff that gets thrown at me. Things that I have no control of – the impact of changes made by others that upsets a status quo that I didn't want upsetting, or even worse goes further and damages my  own meticulous plans. These are the suckers. Unwanted guests who insist on staying. Over time, I've realised that these are the real tests of how good a person is in handling change. I usually go through the whole cycle of resisting, ignoring, denying, and then finally accepting it (albeit reluctantly) and moving on.  Even if it’s in my head, all this has to happen. It’s almost as if I am testing each scenario applied to the change for what works best for me.  But what I often forget is that even these unwanted changes present possibilities and open up avenues that I would normally not have thought about. Almost impossible to recognise when you’re in the heart of turmoil, but the sooner you make peace with the situation, the more chances to spot these opportunities. And then, in time, plant the seeds of these new  ideas into your own head, nurture them and then eventually turn an external disruption into a change you own and want to realise.

Change is the only constant in life, they say. External disruptions and self-initiated changes form a cycle if you think about it. I would think that those who accept changes wholly - thrive. Those who don’t -get stuck. And (note to myself) is it really worth it-getting stuck?